There have been political intrigues of almost Shakespearean proportions taking place over the past fortnight. Michael Gove, who had regularly assured us that under no circumstances would he ever wish to become Prime Minister, wasted no time in giving his backing to Boris Johnson’s leadership bid in the wake of David Cameron’s resignation. Instead of BoJo, we were to have BoGo and with the public clamouring “Run Borist! Run!”, the bookies shortening Boris’s odds on becoming the next Prime Minister to 1/1 and the media purveying Boris’s coronation as being almost inevitable, it seemed that Boris the bumbling, babbling buffoon was due to be the next British leader. All was not well behind the scenes however as a leaked email from Michael Gove’s wife, Lady MacBeth Sara Vine indicates:
“Very important that we focus now on the individual obstacles and thoroughly overcome them before moving to the next.
I really think Michael needs to have a Henry or a Beth with him for this morning’s critical meetings.
One simple message you MUST have SPECIFIC assurances from Boris OTHERWISE you cannot guarantee your support.
The details can be worked out later on, but without that you have no leverage.
Crucially the membership will not have the necessary reassurance to back Boris, neither will Dacre / Murdoch, who instinctively dislike Boris but trust your ability enough to support a Boris / Gove ticket.
Do not concede any ground. Be your stubborn best.
GOOD LUCK”
Few things: firstly I love the use of “we” in reference to the obstacles which must be thoroughly overcome. Surely it’s he who must overcome them as he’s the politician, the one doing the negotiating, not his wife, the Daily Mail columnist. Secondly, why is she addressing him in the third person!? How fucking patronising is that? “Michael needs to have a Henry or Beth (his special advisors) with him for this morning’s critical meetings”. I’m guessing what’s left unsaid is that Michael needs to remember his packed lunch, wear a coat if it’s chilly and to make sure to wipe his arse properly – that is assuming she trusts that Michael can find it with both hands. Finally I love the encouragement to stubbornly not concede any ground because a non-compromising attitude is exactly what you need in a negotiation. Fuck me, she may as well have told him to “screw your courage to the sticking place and we’ll not fail”.
Michael Gove is supposedly an intelligent man though I find this hard to believe not least because his rebuttal to the economic arguments of the Remain campaign (which were admittedly fact based scare-mongering) was that “Britain has had enough of experts” but also because he ever believed that Borist Gump could ever EVER be a credible Prime Minister. People complain about Jezza Corbyn not being leader material but he’s Alexander the Great compared to Calamity Boris. It would seem that Michael reached this conclusion several days into the BoGo campaign, promptly withdrew his support and announced his own intention to run for leader of the Tory party (This is despite over the years having said that, according to www.politics.co.uk, he has not got the exceptional level of ability to do the job, he doesn’t have what it takes and would be inconceivable as the party leader). To be honest, I’m surprised it took him that long though he doesn’t look the strongest of men physically and it may have taken him that long to remove the dagger from where he’d wedged it so firmly between David Cameron’s shoulder blades a few months before. Alas, with BoGo a no-go, BoJo said no-no and announced that lunchtime the same day that he would not be running for the Tory leadership. Stabbed in the back before he’d even got started and looking quite forlorn, I almost felt sorry for Boris…but then I remembered that the backstabbing git had supported a Brexit vote purely to further his own political career. What goes around, comes around as they say.
MacBeth Gove would get his own comeuppance when he got knocked out in the second round of voting by his own MPs as to who their two preferred candidates are for the leadership contest which will ultimately be decided by party members. A delicious dollop of irony on top of this was that the Daily Mail, the paper for which Sara Vine writes and edited by Paul Dacre mentioned in her email, came out in support of Theresa May. This is damning not just because Sara Vine obviously presumed to have some sway over Dacre’s editorial choice, but also because the Daily Mail was rabidly pro Brexit throughout the campaign and Theresa May had stated that she was supporting a vote to Remain.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the chamber, Labour were sharpening their own knives. Not at the prospect of getting stuck into a divided Tory party to try and fight for a better future for all in the UK but to shank Jezza Corbyn as rebel MPs motioned a vote of no-confidence to be held by the parliamentary Labour party. Jezza duly won this 172 – 40 and…..what’s that….uh uh….he lost it by 172 – 40!? Why the hell is he still there then? Well according to Jezza himself in an interview on the Andrew Marr Show this morning, it is because of the overwhelming mandate given to him by Labour Party members in the party leadership contest last year. How overwhelming? Well, he received over 250,000 votes alone in the first round of voting, a whopping 59.5% of votes cast with his nearest competitor, Andy Burnham, coming a distant second with 80,462 and 19% respectively so pretty damn overwhelming. Given this level of support, I find it hilarious that his MPs feel that he is unsuitable to be leader but given the result of the Referendum (where lots of Labour voters voting Brexit due to the Blair / Brown years of supposed prosperity not translating to their particular circumstances and their concerns about immigration being ignored), the will of the people doesn’t really seem to mean much to his challengers. At least Jezza was honest and told people immigration from the EU would remain uncapped for the foreseeable future with a Remain vote.
Nonetheless with shadow cabinet ministers resigning the same day they’ve been accepted the post in some cases, it seems that Labour is on the verge of splitting apart. In this hour of need, what great unifying candidate has been put forward to combat Jezza the Divider. What great orator shall pulverise him in debates and win over the electorate? What fearsome defender of worker’s rights and traditional Labour values shall staunch the momentum of…well…Momentum. Stand up, great leader and be known!!! Angela Eagle….ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? I watched her being interviewed by Andrew Neil this morning and she was insipid. The only thing I’d be inspired to do in the event of her winning would be to cancel my Labour membership.
*Sigh* In life, one must always be careful not to step in the leadershit. Oh well, I’ll leave you with a joke from the @corbynjokes twitter feed:
How many shadow ministers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don’t know. The lightbulb tends to outlast them.